Download PDF , by John Mordechai Gottman Nan Silver
Download PDF , by John Mordechai Gottman Nan Silver
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, by John Mordechai Gottman Nan Silver
Download PDF , by John Mordechai Gottman Nan Silver
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Product details
File Size: 848 KB
Print Length: 320 pages
Publisher: Orion Spring (March 22, 2018)
Publication Date: March 22, 2018
Language: English
ASIN: B075WVH7L3
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This was an extremely insightful read leading up to (ironically) my divorce. It helped me to more clearly identify what was going wrong in my marriage and what it would take to fix it. His descriptions of the different ways couples argue were especially helpful. He provides relationship strengthening exercises that can be done individually or as a couple. One exercise in particular provided a lot of clarity because my immediate thought on reading it was, "This seems like a really good idea, but the emotional toll it would take on me given the state of our relationship isn't a cost I'm willing to bear." That sober look at the costs necessary to repair my marriage allowed me to clearly see the pros and cons of staying in the relationship. Although we ultimately divorced, I continue to use the insight I gained from this book in evaluating the health and long-term viability of my dating relationships.
I love audio books and this one works well on my iPhone. To me, the author is saying that your basic friendship with your spouse will get you through the hard times and that you need to treat your spouse with the same courtesy that you treat other people. You need to focus on what you like about them. It gives good common sense.
Seven Principles is a research-based book addressing a variety of marital difficulties. Gottman bases his advice on clinical studies—observable, repeatable, and quantifiable data—which makes the heart-directed core of his book all the more more surprising. It promotes a science of emotion and communication. It's a bit on the long side due to its many examples and descriptions, but it's worth sticking through to the end. The questionnaires peppered throughout the book are particularly useful at helping you diagnose areas which need improvement, followed by specific counsel on how to improve. In short: this is much more a workbook with assignments than a lecture or sermon to memorize.That's why I recommend reading Seven Principles with a highlighter in hand. You can mark the passages in which Gottman gives specific advice/instruction so that when you revisit the book you can quickly skip over the filler. (The filler consists of examples and discussion of how research methods. You really only need to read those parts once. Identifying the applicable parts of the book quickly will help facilitate your revisiting the book for advice over time.)
Marriage is as complex as it is potentially rewarding. Gottman serves up secret handshake after secret handshake and, with 67% of marriages ending in divorce before the 40th anniversary, it is no exaggeration to say that this book should be incorporated into the high school syllabus.
This book comes from the knowledgeable position of research into married couples from an observation methodology. I liked that especially well; it's not opinion-based. Once I began reading, I could see clearly how marriages I know that have failed do trot out the "four horsemen" and how admiration and friendship radiate in marriages I admire. I applied some principles in this book and some from "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" and saw an immediate positive difference in my own marriage. The only reason I give four stars rather than five is because this book approaches all the exercises from the assumption that the couple is equally interested in the "let's work on our marriage" perspective, which would not be useful for me. This is one element I like better about the other book. However, you can still do or partially do the exercises in this book without sitting down as a couple and "agreeing" to work on the marriage, and it will still have tremendously positive results if only one person makes a decision to do these positive things.
This book is different from most other self help , counseling books. Don't misunderstand that statement- the book is very easy to read, and is not filled with a lot of dry abstract statements.The author has actually done years of research, carefully observing and recording the interactions of married couples, and so he bases his views not on what common sense would tell you , but on what actually happens when couples interact. It is not just about about lots of sad marriage stories. He tells you first, the hallmark signs of the marriages that will split and those that will weather it, not just vague ideas, but specifically what will produce a divorce. Then he also tells you what will keep a marriage together.There are a number of exercises for a couple, to give some feedback specifically for the reader. There are a lot of them, one after each chapter, so probably you don't want to do them all. But its a great jump off point for a couple to get going on his theories. There is no ONE book that can pinpoint human behavior , especially not for two different people. But this one shows some empirical basis for his ideas, and for that reason, it sets it apart. Definitely worth reading.
Loved this program! Dumped my intended, found he was not at all what I thought he was or he portrayed to be. I did what I wanted to do for a long time. This let me know it was up to me! Now I feel great again, and like myself!
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